Tale of the Tape: David West vs. Joel Przybilla
By Jake Madison
Welcome to a new feature here on Swarm and Sting! As you may know David West is an avid boxing fan. And since NBA players spend the off season fighting to the death, I thought it would be interesting to see how David West stacks up against other NBA players. So without further adieu we are introducing Tale of the Tape! Today, Mr. West will be going up against Joel Przybilla. Przybilla also has some MMA training so this should be a good matchup.
Vitals
David West: 30 years of age, stands 6’ 9”, weighs 240 pounds.
Joel Przybilla: 31 years of age, stands 7’ 1”, weighs 245 pounds.
Pre fight
This heavyweight fight is taking place at the Staples Center in Los Angeles and the place is packed. The undercard featured five fight-to-the-death matchups of D-Leaguers. No one was really paying attention and you didn’t miss anything. Ringside, our announcers, Jeff Van Gundy and Marv Alberts, mention that Przybilla has the height, reach and weight advantage, but West more than makes up for that in intensity, guile and speed. Plus, he is just flat-out scarier. Desire and will to win is very important in a matchup like this and no doubt David West does not want to lose to Przybilla.
The arena darkens and the anxious crowd goes silent for a moment. Przybilla is walking towards the ring with his trainers. “Why Can’t We Be Friends?” by War is his entrance song. Przybilla enters the ring, shadowboxes a little then heads to his corner.
The arena lights dim again. “Cowboys from Hell” by Pantera starts playing, Fireworks shoot up and David West, with a towel over his head walks to and enters the ring—his face fixated in a scowl. He doesn’t blink or take his eyes of Joel.
Our guest referee, Shaquille O’Neil brings both our fighters to the ring, they touch gloves, walk back to their corners. The bell sounds. Let’s do this…
Round 1
David West comes racing out to the center of the ring and starts swinging. Przybilla tries to take advantage of his reach and keep West at a distance by backing away. But West keeps chasing him and throwing left handed jabs while keeping his right cocked. Przybilla throws a hook which West ducks and lands two right hooks on Joel’s face.
West’s round. West leads 10-9
Round 2
West charges out towards Przybilla and gets to him before the 7 footer has made it out of his corner. With Przybilla’s reach neutralized, West starts hammering away on the body of the Portland big man. Hornets’ fans in the arena start cheering. Przybilla grabs West and Shaq breaks them up. Przybilla starts throwing jabs and connects on a couple. But West gets inside again and connects on a vicious uppercut. Przybilla tumbles backwards onto the mat. The Trailblazer is back on his feet before Shaq counts to seven. Przybilla is bleeding from his mouth.
West’s round, 10-8. West leads 20-17.
Round 3
West races out towards Przybilla for the third consecutive round. But this time Joel is ready and lands a solid hook on West. West looks stunned. Przybilla lands two more quick jabs and then dances away from the Xavier alum. West does land a couple of weak punches.
Przybilla’s round 10-9. West leads 29-27.
Round 4
West looks angry. It’s clear he feels he should have finished off his opponent by now. The bell rings and West, again, races out. Przybilla tries the same hook from the round before. West doesn’t fall for that again. He stops, waits for the punch to miss and then goes right for Przybilla’s face. He lands hook after hook and finally finishes with a brutal haymaker which sends Przybilla to the mat. Shaq runs over and counts to ten. The bell rings three times. Shaq walks over lifts David West’s right arm up and declares him the winner. Music plays and reporters come into the ring to interview Mr. West. But he wants none of that. He throws a towel over his head and the only sound bite he gives before leaving is “And One.” He walks out of the right and into his dressing room waiting for his next fight.
David West wins by a Knockout.
Up Next: A steel cage match with Kevin Garnett.
No violent enough? Bloody enough? Want weapons next time? Let me know in the comments or on twitter (@NOLAJake) what you think or who you would like to see David West fight.
Thanks to Amar Patel for the David West photoshop.