It has just been confirmed that the New Orleans Hornets have acquired center Dwight Howard from the Orlando Magic in exchange for three mid-priced family vehicles, a rare 1918 American penny and a packet of Lays potato chips. In the midst of several Orlando media outlets reporting that Chris Paul was coming to Orlando for Jameer Nelson, Hedo Turkoglu and Earl Clark the Hornets decided to enter discussion not to get rid of Paul, but to get him help. It was an offer that Orlando could not refuse.
In a press conference, General Manager Otis Smith said, “Giving up a player like Dwight Howard meant we had to get something back in return. I’m a big coin collector and having it as our starting center will be instrumental in getting the Magic back to the NBA finals.”
Jameer Nelson also chipped in after hearing his name come up in trade rumors, “Look, as great as it was to play with my man Dwight, getting a 5-door, 2011 Kia Optima will be great for getting me to and from games. I think it also has to be exciting for Magic fans because now we can put it on the court and show up the likes of Blake Griffin.”
Although not all Magic players like the move, “I’ll be honest,” JJ Redick a guard for the Magic said, “I think we could’ve got a little more from the Hornets. I went through those Lays chips pretty quickly, I also would’ve liked some dip.”
From the New Orleans side things couldn’t be better. They now have a superstar to pair with Chris Paul and David West which will make them even more dangerous heading into next years season.
With the move local businessman Gary Chouest came out to declare his investment in the team. “First off I’d like to say that the Hornets have had a close place in my heart for so many years, but getting a player like Dwight Howard was just the kind of move we needed to piss off Mark Cuban which is why I’ll buy this team!”
Chris Paul was ecstatic over twitter, messaging his fans with, “We got my boy D white! @carmeloanthony how u lyk me now?” This was then followed up by, “Awww damn I loved my 2011 Kia Optima…not too sure about this trade now..”
Other more prominent people like Spike Lee had this to say, “I cannot believe these small market teams! How are they in the NBA? No one cares about them even if they represent true die hard fans of NBA basketball and not the typical bandwagon, shallow minded large market fan. We wanted those two big time assets! I mean who doesn’t like the sounds of a 1918 American penny and a couple of Lays crisps on the Knicks starting lineup? I know I do…”
While the trade was a risky one for New Orleans it had to be done in order to get a player like Dwight Howard. While we’ll all miss the fond moments of the 1918 American penny coin it just wasn’t the right fit.
Oh and for all those ignoramuses out there, this is not a real factual story it’s just to make fun of all the crap that Hornets fans go through hearing about trades for Chris Paul in which the other team would give up absolutely nothing to acquire a talent like Chris Paul. While I think it’s highly unlikely Dwight Howard ever actually goes to the Hornets, I think Dell Demps will still be pursuing every possible scenario where he does pair up with Paul in NOLA. Again, the most likely outcome is that both Paul and Dwight play together, just not in New Orleans or in Orlando.