As the Anthony Davis drama continues to unfold, the New Orleans Pelicans have been told some more unpleasant news by AD’s agent, Rich Paul.
Man, oh man. What a roller coaster of a season it’s been for Anthony Davis and the New Orleans Pelicans. First, AD made his trade demand, essentially tanking the rest of the Pelicans’ year. And now, in a bid to truly get his client off the team, Agent Rich Paul has leaked information to New Orleans that this whole time, Anthony Davis has actually been a large, human-shaped bag of shrimp masquerading as an NBA star.
Teammates, understandably, are shocked. But according to some, the warning signs were always there. Small forward Solomon Hill had this to say to reporters: “So like, yeah. Sometimes, the locker room would have the distinct smell of seafood wafting through the air. I’d say something like, ‘Man, why’s it smell like the ocean in here?’ And then AD would just stand up and do this really weird, monotone nervous laugh as he scurried out into the hall. Like, what the heck? We all figured he just had gas or something, but nah. Bag of shrimp.”
New Orleans Pelicans guard Jrue Holiday weighed in as well, saying, “Yeah, and like, I’d always hear the unmistakable sound of shrimp mating calls coming from the direction of AD. I can’t describe the sound, but if you’ve heard it before, you know what I’m talking about. Once, I was like, ‘Y’all hear some shrimp dudes makin’ noise right now?’ And AD was like, ‘Oh, terribly sorry. That is just the ring tone of my cellular device. My significant other is sending me SMS text messages.’ I always just thought he was kind of a weird dude, but nope. Bag of shrimp.”
There are now so many unanswered questions for the New Orleans Pelicans moving forward. Will anyone be willing to trade for Anthony Davis now? Will Commissioner Adam Silver continue forcing the Pelicans to play AD even though he’s not even human? Who is training all of these shrimp to learn the rules and regulations of organized basketball? This story is developing, so stay tuned for further updates.
Oh, and HAPPY APRIL FOOL’S DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!